An Artisans Quest for Kudos

Affirmation: I offer my gifts with loving intention. I value my time.

I choose to love myself and my effort, unconditionally.

Green Jasper: Heart Chakra; Taurus; Improves capacity for compassion, loyalty and trust; Dream recall; Generosity

As an artist, naturally, I feel sad when my work is not acknowledged by others. An area of tenderness I’m working through currently is the craving for receiving validation for my work, my effort, energy and intellectual contributions.

These deeply conditioned wounds of scarcity, validation and attachment have got to change, if nothing for the sake of the better good.

I believe the healing process is complete when the space to share about the pain is reached, a meaning or lesson is revealed and then the art of letting go begins.

A pattern where I found this “lack of recognition” to occur was in the relationships I chose with partners who were artists. Often we shared a working relationship which presented its own collection of charms and challenges.

Five years ago I was in a long-term relationship with someone, a woodcarver, who was in the preliminary stages of building his craft. He asked me to collaborate and carve the eye for a wooden crocodile he was creating. I had the perfect stone of green Jasper that looked like crocodile skin. I found it along the banks of Saskatchewan waters.

I spent hours shaping and polishing the stone to look like an eye. When I brought it to him, he was not satisfied with the results and was quite critical of my attempt. In the end, after having time on the wheel himself, he was pleased with the final work and went on to showcase it.

When he posted about the piece on social media, he made no mention of me or the time I contributed. He simply mentioned the eye as “some kind of Jasper that was found on a hike”.

I think eventually he sold it. I’m not sure as I didn’t see any of the profit. But for me it wasn’t about the money, it was more about the recognition of my effort. I was excited to collaborate with him, regardless of his intention, it felt as though he completely ignored my presence. This feeling was reflected often in that relationship, hence in part why it ended.

Also, in respect of giving kudos, I took this picture off his social media, a photo he captured, the only image I have of it to share.

I found myself in a similar boat with my most recent partner, who took a meditation script I shared with him and he used it, word for word, to make profit on an online app.

In true vulnerability, I struggle with self-worth and feeling under-appreciated. Being in a community that really supports and adores my art, from the moment someone lays eyes on a relic, really helps soothe the scars. Those meaningful connections that ignite when someone buys a relic are what allow me to feel seen and loved in this world.

As a result of repeated exposure to the kindness of strangers and external validation, I learn to see my work with the same adoration as others do. It’s something I’m aware of, I try to practice strengthening my self-value everyday, though it may take a lifetime. I am learning not to depend on that external piece.

What I’m learning as an artisan, there’s value in sitting with those feelings of insignificance in order to reach a place of self-acceptance and self-love. I couldn’t love myself until I felt how worthless I could feel myself to be, that “rock-bottom” of the Artist’s Journey. It sounds backwards, but for me it rings true. It’s like looking at the stars in pure twilight, we can feel so small and yet so vastly connected simultaneously.

It’s our duty as artists to honor and value the piss out of our own effort and the impact it makes, no matter the measure.

I still have a slab of that Green Jasper in my collection, I plan to transmute the energy from that experience into a relic this winter.

*In all seriousness, if you are an artist in Canada, it is important to educate yourself about Intellectual Property rights and how to protect your work. To find out more about infringement or IP theft, consult with an intellectual property lawyer in your province or territory.

A passage from Indira Gandhi:

There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group, there’s less competition there.

With love and learning,

Amber